I summon the strength
I request a Lyft
To take my drunk ass
To yet another shift
I arrive and I hide
I'm once again tardy
The manager finds me
"You have a large party"
I assess them from afar
A party for a teen
I approach, they bark orders
Oh I'll show them who's queen
Vodka in a kid's cup
I'm feeling just fine
Until my cranky two-top
Complains about the wine
"Are you sure this is merlot?"
He asks with some sass
I apologize and leave
Then return with the same glass
"Much better, I love it!"
He smiles and he coos
My teen party beckons
First I'll need more booze
"We're, like, ready to order?"
I grab paper and pen
Until I find out
Just one entree for ten
My section fills up
Four new tables at once
And wouldn't you know it?
All of them cunts
"Where's the bread, where's my drink?"
"Where's my water refill?"
"I want a special discount
Applied to my bill"
Slowly but surely
The night does wind down
Except for the teens
Who still hang around
They ask for more water
I say we're all out
They still remain seated
"WE'RE, LIKE, CLOSING," I shout
Drink in my belly
And cash in my hand
I crawl to my Lyft
Too tired to stand