Five questions people actually asked me this week

1.  "Could you possibly find someone to just drive my wife home?  She's drunk and I have to leave, don't really wanna pay for a cab." - A man who tipped me $5 on a $75 bill

2.  "Do you have a side of ranch for the tortilla chips?" - A morbidly obese woman

3.  "Is there anywhere close where we can buy lube?" - Two fugly gays

4.  "Can we practice a dance here?" - A girl who should never dance in public

5.  "Be honest, are any of the other waiters male hookers?" - A man dining with his infant son

Comments

[Joundml]

#2 sounded like good ole Springs1. Damn....

[ilduce]

Was no. 5 asking you to be honest because people have lied to him about that in the past?

[Rachel]

I've gotten 1 before. Except her boyfriend was drunk (they had come in from bar-hopping, I think), and she wanted to know if I wouldn't mind driving a very large, very drunk, adult man I don't know home when my shift ended after midnight. Because, you know, servers are just happy to accommodate you in any way possible, at any risk to themselves, even when their shift is over.

[Daniel]

5. "Be honest, are any of the *other* waiters male hookers?" - A man dining with his infant son

Weren't you offended he excluded you as an option...?

[B]

Wow. Retal manager here and the stupidly of the general public never ceases to amaze me.

[Sweaty Noel]

In Texas, you don't have to ask for a side of ranch--they know to serve it with the tortilla chips.