The first table I ever waited on was a group of fun-loving, sassy black women who -- despite their meager tip -- fawned over me, pinched my butt, and indulged my rarely seen desire to break dance mid-shift. It was love at first sight.
The only complaint I received from the bunch was a heartfelt, "This ba-NAN-a margarita needs some more ba-NAAA-nuh." And I was happy to oblige with a complimentary shot of Creme de banane. For when they don't like you, you better run, but when the sassy black woman finds a place for you in her heart, it's an unbreakable bond.
And thus, with fondness in my fingertips and runs in my singing scheme, I proudly present my Ode to a Sassy Black woman.
--
I approached you one night
With your guard clearly up
I asked "How are you?"
And you shrugged "Wassup?"
You asked me to name
Our drinks of the day
You wanted something fruity
"Hurry, baby, don't delay!"
You showed your disdain
When your cheap drink was weak
But when I brought fried shrimp
You started to shriek
When happy hour was ending
And last call was heard
You said "Three more rounds"
I said "That's absurd"
"More mango! More berries!
More drinks of pink shade!
And while you are it
Bring more lemonade"
As the drinks did continue
Your hands became free
To rub, grope and fondle
Inappropriately
I lost all contempt
When I heard Janet Jackson
We started to dance
I wanted that action
Our night quickly ended
When Sharmika did hurl
And despite your bad tip
I knew you were my girl
It seems somewhere deep
From that thumpin' and hummin'
You're a part of me now
I am partly black woman
@Andy - I certainly do not view this as the behavior of every black person. Just as when I blog about gays, Persians, Asians, Christians, the elderly, teenagers, etc., I do not ever assume that every single constiuent of an ethnicity or lifestyle all behave in the same manner. But these idiosyncracies -- of ALL the aforementioned, not just black women -- ARE repeated with some frequency. And I say this after waiting tables in three different states over the course of 10 years.
And...I hope you find the tone of love in my ode.
Posted by: Bitter Waiter | March 09, 2011 at 11:33 AM
please don't think this is how all black people are as most people who write something about black people that is negative lump everyone of them together.
Posted by: andy | March 09, 2011 at 10:14 AM
Love it! Hilarious!
Posted by: Ally Ayers | March 02, 2011 at 11:24 AM
I love this! I couldn't help but laugh at how true the poem and post were. Keep up the good work!
Posted by: Jasmine | February 27, 2011 at 08:09 PM
Mmmm a banana margarita sounds good actually!
Posted by: Cassie | February 23, 2011 at 07:34 PM
Two of your last three entries have been poetry. Be long-winded and funny again.
Posted by: MM | February 23, 2011 at 03:17 PM
I admit a craving now for fried shrimp and lemonade. As an uppity white man.
Posted by: JT | February 23, 2011 at 11:57 AM
Uplifting and moving in a somewhat disturbing way.
Posted by: Jenaro | February 23, 2011 at 11:22 AM
i heard that shakespeare was also part black woman.
Posted by: jeremy | February 23, 2011 at 11:02 AM
I will settle for poor tips in exchange for happy, sassy attitudes any day. Well, except for maybe rent day...
Posted by: Christie | February 23, 2011 at 10:51 AM
"Bring more lemonade"
BWHAHAHAHA!!! Best. Poem. Ever.
Posted by: Chris | February 23, 2011 at 10:49 AM
This is HORRIBLE and I love it!!! PLEASE tell me you'll do one for the other stereotypes as well. I mean that in all honesty. LOVE this!!!
Posted by: Allie | February 23, 2011 at 10:36 AM