Clarissa annoys us all

The Bad Tipper of the Week award goes to Clarissa, a cloying show-biz mom who wasted my time last week with her precocious child actress daughter and token gay best friend, who spent the night texting, complaining about sauce, and impersonating a sassy black woman.

I knew things would go awry when Clarissa asked if we had queso dip. I said no. She seemed indignant and said that every other Mexican restaurant she'd ever been to (in Kentucky) had queso dip. I explained, in a tone used to potty train an infant, that our cuisine was more authentic Mexican (well...at least compared to Kentucky, where she was born and farmed).

This lack of tex mex set the tone for my entire experience with the Clarissa clan. Her fussy friend ordered his enchiladas without any sauce yet complained that his "beef was too dry" (I bit my tongue at his choice of words, while he rolled his around his lips). When I gave him the standard shrug and "Now you're hoist on your own petard" look, I could feel the Kentucky banjos play as Clarissa and co. displayed their anger.

"We'll take the check. Now."

Overjoyed with the anticipation of their exit, I'd already printed the bill and immediately set it on the table without missing a beat. Clarissa left a $5 tip on a $60 check.

I was, however, able to track down Clarissa via Google. It seems she has a Web site devoted to her goals, a Web site where other dreamers can send her well wishes and quote certain portions of "The Secret" to cheer her on. Enjoy this (my personal favorite is goal #4).

Comments

[Liir]

Now if we could just get her to donate 8 pints at once, it'd be good.

[netsymarie]

She looks exactly the way I pictured her to look in my head as I read the story. I especially enjoyed how much better I felt about myself as I read her sad little list. On a Saturday night.

[Crystal]

i personally love #6.

[jeremy]

i personally enjoy the "stop spending money like a drunken kennedy" followed by "go on a cruise".

[Jessica]

If she ever comes back, you could look at her disdainfully and say, "Guess you didn't lose the 20 pounds immediately."