People frequently ask why my bitterness is so acutely pronounced. I know why, and it's not because I was made fun of on the playground. It has nothing to do with thoughtless ex-lovers. I don't even blame my jaded resentfulness of humanity on my religious upbringing.
No, the culprit of my animosity and ill-will is the accumulation of more than 10 years in the restaurant business. And thanks to a recent study by the U.S. Department of Labor, showing that more than 2,252,000 Americans earn livings as waiters and waitresses, I know I'm not alone.
It's not so much that I'm tired of serving people; It's that I'm tired of serving stupid people...rude people...cheap people...loud people...obese people...mean-spirited people...difficult people...condescending people...creepy people...stereotypical people...people with bad taste...dishonest people...particular people...people with a massively unjustified sense of entitlement...and people with screaming children.
As a result, I've become a vigilante at work, seeking to right the wrongs of the ignorant while still maintaining my job. You won't read about me spitting in food (save one trip down memory lane that involves pissing on a chicken, but we'll save that for a blogging session when Mr. Grey Goose is a guest author) or getting into a fist fight.
No, the only thing I'll be serving here is tenacious wit with a side of sarcasm and some cutting remarks for dessert.
Be careful, this plate is hot.