I missed a pretty big milestone.
In September of 2017, this blog, this bastion of bitterness, this jaded journal, this drunken diary of disappointment turned 10 years old. Before I wax poetic, thank people, and bitch about some things, let's revisit that very first entry from September 14, 2007:
People frequently ask why my bitterness is so acutely pronounced. I know why, and it's not because I was made fun of on the playground. It has nothing to do with thoughtless ex-lovers. I don't even blame my jaded resentfulness of humanity on my religious upbringing.
No, the culprit of my animosity and ill-will is the accumulation of more than 10 years in the restaurant business. And thanks to a recent study by the U.S. Department of Labor, showing that more than 2,252,000 Americans earn livings as waiters and waitresses, I know I'm not alone.
It's not so much that I'm tired of serving people; It's that I'm tired of serving stupid people...rude people...cheap people...loud people...mean-spirited people...difficult people...condescending people...creepy people...people with bad taste...dishonest people...particular people...people with a massively unjustified sense of entitlement...and people with screaming children.
As a result, I've become a vigilante at work, seeking to right the wrongs of the ignorant while still maintaining my job. You won't read about me spitting in food (save one trip down memory lane that involves pissing on a chicken, but we'll save that for a blogging session when Mr. Grey Goose is a guest author) or getting into a fist fight.
No, the only thing I'll be serving here is tenacious wit with a side of sarcasm and some cutting remarks for dessert.
Be careful, this plate is hot.
Well, it would appear not much has changed in terms of tone or temperament. I still haven't told the chicken story, and I'll get to that some day. But first, let's celebrate!
Above all, I want to thank you, my faithful and frustrated readers. While writing the blog itself was therapeutic after a shitty shift, hearing from people who related to my struggles made me feel less alone and just a little itty bitty teeny weensy less pissy. I've enjoyed reading your comments and e-mails, meeting you, hearing your own war stories, and occasionally making your load less rough while spewing my vitriol.
I also want to thank the difficult celebrities who gave this blog a boost in readership (featured in my notorious, multi-part, most-viewed post about the best/worst celebrities to serve; the comments from angry readers alone are delicious ). Jessica Simpson, Christina Aguilera, Teri Hatcher - you were an absolute nightmare to deal with, and I'm thankful your bad behavior blessed me with even more readers.
What have I learned in ten years? Well, despite my unfiltered fuck-yous to entitled assholes, I have learned to let go of how other people act. I'm sure as shit not going to dampen the "bitter" in Bitter Waiter when I write about these people, but in my own real life, I've accepted what I can control, what I can't, when to let someone spin their wheels being difficult, and, yeah, when to seek vengeance.
I've also learned that so few of us L-O-V-E our jobs, and finding a healthy way to vent that frustration makes the tedium between clocking in and clocking out far more bearable (What I'm saying is that every one of you should start a blog titled "Bitter ______").
What qualities in people still drive me crazy after a decade? Here's a list, in no certain order:
1) Not saying "please" or "thank you"
2) Expecting me to wait around while someone takes a phone call
3) Large parties of which few people order food
4) Sitting at a table long after the bill's been paid, especially while we're on a wait
5) Threatening me with asking for the manager. Come at me. Ask for her. I don't give a good goddamn fuuuuuuck.
6) People who modify their food orders beyond a reasonable point
7) Not-celebrities who act like celebrities
8) Celebrities who act like celebrities
Once again, thank you all for joining me on this journaling journey. I'll be back next week, pissed off, properly tipsy, and ready to unleash holy Hell on the worst of the worst.