2. "Is the tip also charged to my credit card, or just a charge for the total bill?"
No we garnish your wages for the tip.
3. "Don't you have valet parking???"
Did you see a man out front with a box of car keys and a hand full of ones? Oh you didn't? And yet you still found our giant, free parking lot right outside and made do? Will miracles never cease?
4. "If I don't order something can I get it to go?"
Yes but only if you don't order it. Promise me.
5. "Are you all open today?"
That question might make sense, I suppose, at the hostess stand. But you've been sat, the four of you have your menus open, and I am standing at attention with a sloppy apron and a shred of a notepad. These are vague clues, I know.