For hundreds of years, people all the world over were able to enjoy restaurants, movies, shopping, and vacations without the constant bombardment of social media activity and the various devices that perpetuate it.
Now, however, it's all about proving you were somewhere, keeping tabs on the Joneses or, worst of all, showing off.
By constantly tagging friends and checking in and finding the perfect filter for that boring picture of your French fries, you're broadcasting all of the above without actually enjoying it.
Moreover, it's RUDE, especially when you're dining in a restaurant. Not just to your server, but to the company with whom you're dining. And for WHAT?? So you can see if anyone liked that slutty picture you posted of yourself in the Walgreens pharmacy waiting area? Here's a hashtag for you: #NoOneGivesAShit.
I understand that some lunch meetings or reunions of friends rely on technology, whether for business points or baby pictures, and those are not the circumstances with which I take issue.
No, if there's one sight that sickens me more than a table of seven Armenians with high chairs and automatic gratuity, it's a table at which all parties are detached and alienating themselves so they can interact with other people on their smart phones.
Enjoy your fucking lunch! Live in the moment without having to let your friend list of mostly indifferent acquaintances know that you're having a lobster quesadilla! #YourLifeDoesn'tMakeAnyoneJealous.
Also, when a server addresses you and asks a question pertaining to your meal? Pull yourself away, for a mere 30 seconds, from Kim K.'s fascinating news feed (She just got a yummy latte!!!!!!!!!) and look at me. Believe me, I want to interact with you far less than you do me, but at least I can still fake polite and present. Don't make me hate you even more than I already do. #You'reNotImportantEnoughToBeThatRude.
Believe me, I understand those moments where social media does, for whatever reason, require your attention. And those reasons don't even have to be good. Stalk, bid, snap, like, do whatever makes you happy! But if that's the priority, why bother coming into public? Stay at home, order delivery, or do something that allows you to indulge without being rude or oblivious to the people around you.
I'm already one mid-shift Moscow Mule (thank you Whitney) away from walking out. I can promise you that, in my 2014, I will not play second fiddle to your iPhone when I'm trying to take your order. No sir, no ma'am. You will be polite in my section. #TweetThatBitch.