FIVE THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM NOT WAITING TABLES FOR TWO WEEKS:
1. People are actually pretty awesome! I've found this to be true every day I've lounged on the beach, just listening to my headphones, reading magazines, taking naps, speaking only to order food and drink, pretending I'm stranded on a desert island with only my waiter. Yeah, people are actually pretty awesome when you have absolutely no obligation to interact with them.
2. You can have just one drink. Isn't that weird? When life is calm, and stress isn't going for your groin every 20 seconds, you don't feel an overwhelming urge to drown your dread until your inner and external monologue are both slurring.
3. There's a whole functioning world at 8 a.m.! People are out jogging, coffee shops waft the comforting aroma of caffeinated-goodness, there's this thing called breakfast with bacon and utensils, people are perky, hangovers are not allowed at 8 a.m.!
4. When you're without employment for a brief period of time, with zero income coming in, you spend money as if it's left on your windshield by an Armenian night club promoter. When there's no money in the bank, there's even more expensive clothing on daddy's back.
5. After two weeks of rest and repose, I will return to my lot in life a new man. Gone are the outbursts, snarky comments, and temper tantrums. No more letting the entitlement and temper tantrums of impolite society ruin my days and nights. I will stride into work with a song in my heart and a spring in my step. I will be forever changed by these two weeks. Just me, and a sunny disposition. I'll keep the blog around *just in case* I have that rare bad mood. Like, on the off chance that I return to work Monday and all of this relaxation goes out the window. But that won't possibly happen, not to this new man...