A slutty mom dressed like a secretary in a hard-core porn, whose breasts vied for space in her ill-fitting top like melons in a produce stand, had been a crazy bitch to me throughout her meal. She was accompanied by her overweight, equally unpleasant friend Suzanne and the slutty mom's young son Joey.
As the bill came, the conversation went as follows:
SLUTTY MOM: So, it looks like Joey and I owe about $34 for ours and you owe $20. Cool?
SUZANNE: Sounds good to me.
JOEY: Mama?
SLUTTY MOM: Yes dear?
JOEY: Shouldn't Suzanne pay all the bill?
(Slutty Mom and Suzanne give Joey a puzzled look)
SLUTTY MOM: Why's that, sweetie?
JOEY: Because I thought you told Dad that the reason we like to go out to eat with Suzanne is because she orders a lot of appetizers and always pays the bill?
Dead silence. Except for me cackling like a witch over a cauldron.
I love how sinical serving staff are, I've been
Doing this shit 9 nine years, and this guy is
Spot on! gets me through my day, you are
Hilarious
Posted by: Jeff Penney | May 23, 2012 at 09:24 AM
D Harvey - I doubt strongly anyone has ever pleaded for your patronage. Your punctuation, on the other hand...
Posted by: Bitter Waiter | May 07, 2012 at 02:07 PM
Hey dumbass tips aren't mandatory take a poll put it to Joe restaurant owner say I could come in and eat but I don't have money for the tip do you still want me to come in what do you think he'll say face it your tips don't pay his bills
Posted by: D. Harvey | May 07, 2012 at 09:58 AM
You are awesome!
Posted by: fed-up | May 06, 2012 at 06:22 PM
I absolutely love your blog. I used to work at a Red Lobsters in Brooklyn, NY many years ago. That experience changed me and whenever I go out I always make sure to leave a good tip. You are the shit!!!!
Posted by: Cosmicsistren | May 05, 2012 at 05:23 PM
you sure do take alot of delight in other peoples misery, kinda messed up.
Posted by: trig | May 03, 2012 at 10:25 AM
You should've been on more than that other guy -- he has nothing on you. Plus you're way hotter.
Posted by: Carol | May 03, 2012 at 09:59 AM
I loved the "I heard that" column, very fun!
Posted by: Margie | May 03, 2012 at 09:57 AM
I think I know exactly who you're talking about. Always orders the dry cesar salad and the kid gets the nachos and eats none of them?
Posted by: MM | May 03, 2012 at 08:26 AM
I once had a similar type mom actually SAY to an ugly friend that the sole reason they dined together was so the ugly friend would pay!!! Some people!
Posted by: Naughty Waitress | May 03, 2012 at 08:22 AM
Melons in a produce stand! LOLing!!
Posted by: Asa | May 03, 2012 at 08:17 AM