I'll never understand the logic of people on a budget dining in public. Once you add in restaurant price mark-ups, taxes, costs for sides, and, oh yes, that tedious thing we greedy servers call "tip," you've added about 250% of what it would have cost to make tacos at home.
Meet Harold and Bertha, a hefty, thrifty couple who were so cheap they insisted on sharing a menu and occupying the same side of the booth (a real feat for fat people). In this exchange, I do my best to teach them to be specific while seeking a bargain.
HAROLD: What's the cheapest thing on the menu?
ME: The kid's meal.
HAROLD: We'll take...
ME: They're for kids 12 and younger.
HAROLD: Ok, what's the second cheapest thing on the menu?
ME: Iced tea.
BERTHA: What's the cheapest MEAL on the menu?
ME: A bowl of soup.
HAROLD: Does it come with sides?
ME: No. Those cost extra.
BERTHA: What's the cheapest meal that comes with sides?!
ME: The kid's meal.
HAROLD: What's the cheapest meal on the menu that comes with sides that's not a kid's meal!?!?
ME: The cheese enchiladas.
BERTHA: But I want beef!
ME: The kobe beef tacos.
HAROLD: We'll take an order of those.
ME: We're out of kobe beef.
BERTHA: How much are the ribeye tacos? (asked as she's looking directly at the menu description, which includes the price).
ME: They're $14.99 (total lie).
HAROLD: I'll bet it would be cheaper if we just ordered a side of tortillas, a side of steak, a side of onions, a side of cheese, a side of sour cream, and a side of guacamole.
ME: You could do that...
BERTHA: We'll do that.
ME: You'll only be able to make three tacos that way.
HAROLD: Then we'll take two times the steak and tortillas.
ME: Ok.
(cut to bill time)
HAROLD: This bill is $33.46!?!? It would have cost less if we'd just ordered two orders of the ribeye tacos!
ME: Correct.
HA. I keep telling my manager we should get some sort of guide or brochure for our budget conscious customers...so people will know how much everything costs.
Oh wait...we have those.
Posted by: Mandy | April 29, 2012 at 06:07 PM
Stupid should hurt. If it doesn't hurt, at least it can sometimes be expensive.
Posted by: Worth Cadenhead | September 28, 2011 at 05:29 PM
Haha... well, I'm sure you knew there was no tip coming, so you may as well get some entertainment out of it!
Posted by: Laura | September 27, 2011 at 04:54 PM
Ha ha! I love it. Bet you got stiffed, though. People that cheap NEVER tip.
Posted by: Augie | September 27, 2011 at 03:19 PM
What a bunch of cheapskates. Got what they deserved it sounds like.
Posted by: Carla | September 27, 2011 at 02:42 PM
gets me every time. thanks for the laughs.
Posted by: fart bomb | September 27, 2011 at 12:52 PM
You should post more conversations, they're funny! Not that every entry isn't funny but the convos are funny funny!
Posted by: Asa | September 27, 2011 at 12:46 PM
"What's the cheapest thing in here?"
"You are."
Posted by: LS | September 27, 2011 at 12:18 PM
"Iced tea." Ha. Smartass :)
Posted by: Mark | September 27, 2011 at 11:29 AM
Ha! I love when morons try to save money and only end up paying more. Classic!
Posted by: Naughty Waitress | September 27, 2011 at 11:13 AM