I derive no small amount of pleasure from the various mispronunciations and erroneously stated menu items that have poured from the mouths of morons in my section over the years.
Here, a few of my favorites (more to come):
FROM THE BAR:
1. "Yes, I'd like a Phil Collins please."*
*Phil Collins is a soft rock artist, formerly performing with the band Genesis, currently performing for anyone who can provide him with a three-figure money order. A Tom Collins is a cocktail made with gin, lemon juice, sugar, soda, and other crap that people drink while playing Bridge.
2. "Do y'all have Nee-gro Modelo beer?"**
**"NEH-GRO Modelo," you hillbilly. Go build a fort.
3. "Yeeeah, I'll have me a Strawberry Da-Queery"***
***Da Queery says "I think you mean daquiri."
FROM THE KITCHEN
4. "What is 'bleh' cheese? I don't think I'd like it."*
*I'm sure you'd hate bleu cheese, just as I hate that bleh-colored burlap sack you've curiously donned as a sweater.
5. "I'll have the rotiss-er-arie chicken."**
**When in doubt, add syllables. You'll sound smarter.
6. "The Lakers RULE, bro! Is Kobe beef named after Kobe Bryant?"***
***Yes. Served with your choice of sides: sexual assault, homophobic slur, or low-income fan base.
7. "What type of queso is 'con' queso?"****
****"Con" is Spanish for "with." I'm glad you had the wherewithal to decipher the meaning of "queso," but couldn't figure out that far trickier translation.
AND MY FAVORITE OF ALL-TIME, WHICH REQUIRES NO EXPLANATION:
8. "Ess-use me, but who the hell ordered this 'gratuity???' It's the most expensive thing on the bill!"
Love, love, love it all! So hilarious!
Posted by: Allyson | August 08, 2011 at 10:20 PM
Lol! Gotta love the customers that need to be Hooked on Phonics!
Posted by: Marta Daniels | August 01, 2011 at 02:12 PM
The last time I went out the air-headed skank at the table next to me ordered a "caprees" salad. It was loud and when the waiter clarified something like "you're looking at the caprese?" salad she yelled "THE CAPREES SALAD" which evidently wasn't loud enough because when the saldad actually came out it was a Greek salad.
And the only thing more obnoxious than people who don't know how to pronounce a Spanish LL in the name of Mexican dishes is people who try and make everything more Mexican than it actually is; ordering frrrrrrrrrrriJOles, y tOstAdas
Posted by: Adam Hawthorne | July 30, 2011 at 02:48 PM
Actually, the French pronunciation of "bleu" comes out sounding like "bleh."
But unless I'm speaking French, I'll stick with "blue."
Posted by: www.google.com/accounts/o8/id?id=AItOawmnpFmHbbBGG7jqAaJdHSn1Lz4CxvNScto | July 28, 2011 at 12:22 PM
I once dined with a woman who insisted it was "roasticheery chicken". She also told me once when she was angry with me that I was walking on thin water.
Posted by: Jessica | July 27, 2011 at 05:12 PM
bwahahahaha!!!
Posted by: BAH | July 27, 2011 at 01:16 PM
I am still LOL @ Phil Collins. Priceless
Posted by: MM | July 27, 2011 at 12:29 PM
I would also like an order of gratuity to go please. I can't get enough of that stuff.
Posted by: JEREMY | July 27, 2011 at 12:19 PM
And let us not forget those shining individuals who pronounce those double "L"s, such as in "quesadilla" and "tortilla." It's like they never heard a Taco Bell commercial...
Posted by: Sweaty Noel | July 27, 2011 at 11:50 AM