The Five People You Meet in Hell, part one

(i.e. "The Five Dumbest People I've Waited on All Month.")

1. Idiot teenage girl and her giggling assortment of awkward adolescents

The irony of my job is not lost on me. I hate people, and yet I work in an establishment where I not only run into many of them, but encounter the worst of them, as well.

So imagine my immediate disdain whenever I see a band of teenage hooligans come within a few feet of my section. My first instinct is to bark at them like a pit bull. My second is to instantly clutter all open tables with dirty dishes and the blood of the host staff.

This inevitably results in one of the teens (usually a sunglass-clad, anemic looking girl holding a clunky, oversized purse with the poise of a mummy) almost singing, "Hey, can we sit at that dirty table once it's cleared off?"

The other night I waited on seven Armenian teenagers who reeked of Drakkar and desperation. They split two quesadillas among them, as well as never-ending glasses of water. As I hunched over the table like Quasimodo reaching for empty glasses (with absolutely no assistance from the hairy little fuckers), I eavesdropped on their discussion of the recent movie Vantage Point.

The two things you need to know about the forgettable film are that 1) it takes place entirely in Spain and 2) it's told from 10 or so different perspectives (i.e....vantage points).

The ringleader of this Persian posse voiced her disappointment in the misleading title, "Advantage point," claiming it wasn't clear exactly who held the upper hand.

She followed that statement with, "And I heard the film took place in Europe, and I was all excited, but it actually took place in Spain."
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I'll return tomorrow with another one of the five dumbest people I've waited on all month.