SHIT TIPPER OF THE WEEK AWARD

This week's award goes to Borzuyeh Hirmand, an ignorant cologne-soaked man with the tact and wit of a rabid hyena. Borzuyeh no doubt rapes little children, and one can't help but hope there's a Hell when considering his after life.

When I greeted the table and posited the obligatory-and-completely-insincere question "How are you all doing this evening," Borzuyeh bellowed back with "We're hungry and tired of waiting around for service. Drinks. Now."

I made it clear that I'd watched the host seat Borzuyeh and company (namely, three acne-stricken Armenian bitches with teeth gaps big enough to house a playground for dirty Persian orphans) and that he'd waited a whole 30 seconds for me to approach his table.

"Not looking for a timer, pal, just want some drinks."

"Uh huh," I replied.

Borzuyeh's entourage of ugly selected a predictable bottle of our "finest" white zinfandel.

"Which year?" I asked.

Not sensing my sarcasm, Borzuyeh impressed his bevy of boar-like babes with the tried-and-true classic, "Whichever's most expensive."

"And I want this," Borzuyeh stated while pointing vaguely in the direction of the margarita list.

I work in a barely lit restaurant. For the life of me, I had no idea which margarita the loser wanted. So I asked.

"Which margarita do you want?"

"THE ONE MY FUCKING FINGER'S ON..."

(blank look)

Borzuyeh proceeded to shove the menu in my face while informing me that he wanted a raspberry margarita, a libation that would no doubt fill the feeble minds of his gypsy slut fan club with questions about his hairy-back masculinity.

All throughout dinner and subsequent rounds of drinks, Borzuyeh didn't miss a chance to bring up the "menu incident" with his "blind server." I responded by glaring and clearing half-eaten plates without bothering to ask if Esmerelda and her sisters were finished consuming.

Thus, Borzuyeh Hirmand has the dubious distinction of winning the first-ever Shit Tipper of the Week Award.

BILL: $104.34

TIP: $5.66

PERCENT: approximately five percent

Comments

[Christie]

I love it when you sprinkle your blogs with racist slurs. I'm so happy that political incorrectness has found a haven SOMEwhere.